Home Improvement Fanatic Gifts

'Would it have killed you to go with a store-bought model?'

'It's not wallpaper Maury. it's MOLD!'

"A door can never have too many hinges."

Another fine home by McKlosy Construction Co.

"The previous owners turned the basement into a terrific mother-in-law apartment."

'What do you mean you don't do house calls? You're a roofer for goodness sake!'

'There - is THAT enough closet space?'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'

"I didn't spark joy."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

Schubert's Unfinished Basement

'You've reached McWit Quality Construction. If your foundation has cracked, press 1, if your plumbing is leaking press 2, if your house is collapsing, press 3 ...'

"I just love how wet you've made things in here."

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

Mulching Vacuum Cleaner

Do-It-Yourself. Do-it-yourself-With-Good-Friends-and-Pizza-and-A-Few-Beers.

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

"No monsters, but there's a tear in the carpeting and I see hardwood!"

"Want to impress me with that hammer? Try using it to fix a few things around here."

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

'I'm counter - intelligence'

Bob’s Museum

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

Wallpapering with Nails

"Okay, I fixed the leaking roof, and I moved the couch over to the far wall, but I'm sorry, I don't unblock toilets!"

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.