Home Hack Enthusiast Pillows

'Your father'll do anything to avoid filling a few watering cans.'

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

'We've knocked out the interior walls to improve our home Wi-Fi coverage.'

A DIY disaster.

Hardware Store Tools Wrench

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

"The white flag means he gives up and will finally hire a professional to finish the renovation."

Your Home Remodel Team

"It's a miracle I was able to build this desk all by myself. I'm not so handy."

"Since we installed the video surveillance system we're losing fewer socks."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

'Mom! -- Jeffrey's pimping the wall!'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'I figure that if I sell just one, I can retire.'

"I fixed your leaky tap and the oven door... but there's nothing I can do with that dodgy seal on the fridge!"

Wallpapering with Nails

"Was it a fuse?"

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

"When we remodeled, we decided to go with the granite countertop."

"The blow drier is broken."

"Never marry an engineer."

"I thought you were out front telling the fence company how to do their job."

'I accidentally hacked into Mom's microwave oven.'

Man falls through ceiling - 'Did you find the leak?'

"Can't we just get some load-bearing wallpaper?"

"They've got insulation to die for!"

House Painter gets stuck to the ceiling.

We don't have a budget to redo the last guy's business cards, door placard, and so on, so would you mind assuming his identity in the meantime?

"Buying the largest TV on the market was a good idea. Mounting it was not."

"Larry does all his own stunts."

"I've fixed the shelf, darling."

Translating Contractor to English

'I'll calk that hole as soon as the siege is over.'

DIY Shelves

"Just buy a new one. It's over 40 years old. That must be about 160 in toilet years."