Home Defender T-Shirts

"Brutus! Attack with reasonable force!"

'NOT INTERESTED? You answered the door didn't you?'

'This has been taking up all of my time.'

Man with fly swat - Let the games begin.

"You should've called me sooner!"

'Why don't you just go quietly? After all, they've only come about the water rates!'

'I hear a burglar downstairs, the poor fool.'

'How long did you try before calling?'

Exterminators

"Bloody cold-callers - I'm gonna give him a piece of my mind. . .!!"

"Think about it Dad: if we were to build a moat around our house, it would keep cats at bay..."

Pest Control

"Dolan, call for backups."

"I think we're going to need a bigger trap, dear!"

'Maybe you should ease up on the burglar.'

I warned you putting poison down for the ants only makes them stronger.

'I don't know lady, maybe I should be warning the prowler about you!'

"I don't let them bite. They just do."

"My husband has a thing about double glazing salesmen."

Alternative methods of pest control.

"By the way, how's that lawsuit against the home insurance company going?"

The arrival of... the 17-year cockroaches

No Soliciting

"My dream is to have a little house and a white picket fence wired with explosives."

A Change of Scene.

'Now listen: Based on the position of the kennel and the length of the leash, only the shaded part of the garden is dangerous...'

'You're leaving if I'm going to inject him?...

Dog being carried off by ducks.

Goal

'Oh oh...this isn't my mace, it's whipped cream!'

"Bloody houseflies...."

"I wish I had known you have arachnophobia before I paid."

"O.K., but let's say you have up to six hundred intruders per minute."

'I'd go small with this burglar. Way too much collateral damage with the cannon.'

'Roger that...I'm taking the first clean shot I can get.'