Home Buying Novice Gifts

'After this I'll show you the basement.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

Your Future Home.

I'm looking forward tot he day we can afford some real statues for this place.

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

The Big Book of Suspicious Crawl Spaces

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"How much?! Blimey, to get my money's worth, I'd need to use it EVERY WEEK!"

"I think I picked the wrong spot to plant that apple tree."

'I've no time for these foragers - they come into the area and snap up all the best houses...'