Home Buying Novice Gifts

'After this I'll show you the basement.'

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"Liable to flooding? Whatever gives you that idea sir?"

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

At first I thought it was just coincidence, but then I realized it corresponded directly to your shift.

"We really need more perennials? Aren't my weeds and crabgrass enough?"

I hate deer! What do you have to repel them? They're awful. I've got fences. Sprays. Decoys. Tree's Tree Nursery. I'll takes these. Anything to get rid of the varmints. Ring him up, Twig. I don't know why you are so down on deer. They've been very good to you! Anti-deer.

Palms. When fully grown that species will provide some nice shade in your your yard. Fronds with benefits.

'Sure, a drawing on Facebook has coverage, but nothing wows the family like a spread on the fridge.'

'What's wrong with our new shed? Nothing - I'm sat out here guarding it.'

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

"We went for Scandinavian interiors."

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

Your Future Home.

"In the current market, it's just more practical."

'This is the BEST well we've dug!!'

"Could we be getting a little too museum-quality?"

I'm looking forward tot he day we can afford some real statues for this place.

"It's not the paranormal activity that bothers me so much as the passive aggression."

The native sweet bay species will make a beautiful grove. They'll give you pleasure and increase your house value! Tree's tree nursery. Hmm

'I've no time for these foragers - they come into the area and snap up all the best houses...'

"How much?! Blimey, to get my money's worth, I'd need to use it EVERY WEEK!"

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

F&E Nursery. I've heard that plants have intelligence. Give me your smartest plant. A cactus is the sharpest plant around!

Tidy it up for the open house, and it wouldn't hurt to put out some freshly regurgitated worms. For sale.

"I think I picked the wrong spot to plant that apple tree."

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."