Home Bed Enthusiast Pillows

Kid in bed to mom: How come third graders don't get a personal day?

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"I didn't spark joy."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

Estate Agent - This house that's 'just what we are looking for' is ours

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

"To keep warm in winter you're looking at a new central heating system costing £20,000."

"In da house"

"The sellers had a lot of kids, so they got tired of running out of hot water. So they upgraded."

Living together, couple in love.

"They're exactly the same, except in Hell you have to put on your own duvet cover."

"There really is such a thing as having too many pillows."

'We'll take it!'

Monster fixing boy's car bed.

"So, you're staying in then?"

Fireplace Projector.

"I'm no longer cleaning my whole apartment. . . Just the 'Zoom Zone.'"

'My new year's resolution is to stay home next new year's eve.'

"Clinton spoke at my inauguration, and it's so cold outside-can he crash here for another week?"

'Brew?'

"Dang it."

"Normally I wouldn't take any notice of all these ads on how to improve my performance in the bedroom..."

'It's a prize for being first to go home.'

"There ya go. Cushion rot from farting into the same old chair for 40 years"

COVID-19 dime

"Nice, but it's still a fish bowl. We'd like something with a little more privacy."

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

"I finally have my very own place where I can do what I want in my parents basement."

'Did you mess with the thermostat again?'

Homeowners.

"When I first met Howard, he had a touch of class. As it turns out, it was just a touch."

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."