Holy Hydrator Pillows

Vicar with three taps: hot, cold and holy.

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Night-time halo

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

Golfing Bishop.

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

"As a member of the Sunday praise team you are not allowed to "change it up", whenever you feel led."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'On the other hand, you must never, ever work in mysterious ways.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"They have to clean her up before they show her to God."

Church In and Out Trays 'Lord Giveth' and 'Taketh away'

'Would you mind not drinking from the holy water?'

'We are gathered here...'

"Holy Mackerel!"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Vicar's driving lesson "Here endeth the first lesson!"

"Holy water, holy water...."

'Man, I'm bombing,'

"I'm addicted to water."

'Today's sermon is on the feeding of the five thousand...and I'll be giving you the recipe for that.'

'Our worship space is quite large, Roger, but sanctuary committee will do nicely.'

How's my Sermon . . .

Emergency Bible for deathbed conversions only.

'You know Solomon, I just keep feeling that something isn't quite right today.'

"Can you bless all water on Earth, turning it all into holy water instantly? Or do blessings have a maximum range or a volume limit or something? And would that kill all vampires?"

Bishop playing pool, "I like his unholier than thou attitude."

'Oh, I believe in God -- I just think that he's overrated.'

The sermon was so boring the Preacher put himself to sleep.