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'That was fun!'

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

'Every time I turn my back, he's learned another one of your bad habits.'

"O.K., next time around let's ease up on the vibrato."

Doggie door in The Pearly Gates.

"Consider yourself chased."

Good boy

'I taught him to shake hands, but I don't know where he got the joybuzzer!'

'Would you like me to wipe the cup with my finger or would you prefer Rover here licking it clean?'

Hair of the dog spots: christmas jumper

'Ere-we distinctly asked for SAM an' Ella!'

Woman is shocked at seeing her weight, she doesn't realise that her dog is also on the scales.

'Bob likes to express himself through his art!'

'No need to shout.'

'Good dog!'

Dog to dog: 'I hate the way pointers are always blaming somebody else.'

'No! That's not a wall safe, it's a porthole!'

"Shhh - he's trying open his third nostril."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

'Fred, we've been together too long!'

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

Playing with the dog with a boomerang.

Canine Scent-ipede

"And yet, I too am a still life."

'Eject! Eject, eject eject!! Aw crimony. I've hit the button 6 or 7 times, Cap'n. And the darned CD still won't come out.'

Lawyer to client: 'Yes, your turnover at the pastry shop would fall under tort law.'

'I knew him before he became a police dog!'

'Why good dogs go bad.'

'I'd say it's a fungal infection.'

"It has a nice, divine quality without being overly liturgical."

"What are you trying to say, Rex?"

Comedy Vicar Competition