Holiday Stocking Stuffer T-Shirts

New Age Office Supplies Catalog.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

"I don't know why you always have to choose the same hide-and-go-seek hiding spot that I do, Tommy!"

"That'll be five bucks."

Daughters on the beach

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"I always forget what an expert I am in curling."

'I told you to invite a friend over.'

"No matter what, sleep when the bay sleeps."

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

"I might just get a pie."

A couple looks at posters of Rio, Paris and Tokyo, all of which feature skyscrapers.

"Not much in the way of loot, but we got a ton of store credit."

'We always like to give more bling for the buck.'

"Ticket and passport, please."

'Hang on a minute...'

Mouse returns home from work.

When Tia Carmen says... "It's time to eat healthy!" it means... "I'm only using one stick of butter instead of three."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

Loopholes

A centipede's Christmas stockings

'I had no idea there were so many types of dog treats.'

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

Snake Charming

"At this rate I'll be delivering all gift certificates, gift cards and I.O.U.s!"

"Goodnight Tommy, sleeptight, watch the millenium bugs don't bite."

'Moses, you'd better be in that bathtub!!'

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Who's the new guy?"

Cannibal recipes.

"You can already make reservations and travel as soon as climate change has caused sea levels to rise!"

S. S. All You Can Eat

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

"It's kind of hard to know where these photos were taken: The backgrounds are very similar..."

Chicken Road Crossing