Holiday Sale Gifts

'Okay ladies, husband's credit cards at the ready. On your marks, get set...'

'Shove' (at big sale).

'Sigh... white goods just aren't selling.'

Where your mind & battle are los

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Cut Price

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

'What do you do with the time you save?'

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

"Ninja bread men"

"They're on special offer so I got three times more than I could ever use for twice as much as I could afford!"

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Tourists and their Pets.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'How very Cumbria.'

Non-Denominational Carols

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'Now it fits.'

Christmas Pets

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

"So last Christmas it was those Cabbage Patch Kids."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

Panettone

* Let's stop here, they seem nice!