Holiday Planner Extraordinaire Gifts

'Forget economy! Put us down for every frill you got!'

Airlines

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

"As you can see, I've alphabetized the items, presents owing if you will, so if you can digitally initial here, here, here, here and here and sign there. Thank you. See you December 24."

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

-'but for a full English breakfast you can't beat Blackpool,sir.'

Mr. Punch in Venice

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

Italia tours

Heading off with a packed bag

Where do you see yourself five years from today, dork-boy? 43 Breen Road. What are you talking about? It's where everyone wants to go. It's the most popular AirBnB in San Francisco. The earliest opening they had was five years from today. Just book a hotel. Hotels are so 2007.

'This one is a bit different - twelve Indian call centres in eight days.'

Man on beach realizes laying down flattens his stomach

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

Excess Baggage: Sooner or later all those vacation bills come due.

"I know it’s a challenge, but it needs your input!" "...Your breadth of knowledge of different interest groups, religions...cultures!" "Right, so the staff Christmas meal will be a traditional lacto-vegan one at a Thai restaurant sometime in March?" "Do you think the Pagans will be OK with that?"

"I'll be there in three 'All Too Well's."

"Could you help me fit nine days work into five and still see my family?"

The Problem with On-the-fly Christmas Caroling

'No, no, no. You guys are way off! This isn't even the cat. You guys are on the dog.'

'We must have everything... this is all that's left!'

A tourist struggling with loads of luggage

'Let it go, Amy.'

"We can't go. We don't have enough carbon offset credits to get to the Grand Canyon."

"Well, all I know is he left on vacation to unwind... and he never wound-up again!"

Pre-Winter Ennui-'Hon, did you have the furnace checked?'

"What happened to the good old Jewish holidays when all we used to do was eat?"

Moths fly to Blackpool for illuminations: 'I'm telling you, you're gonna love it.'

'If that's my wife, pencil her in for Boxing Day.'

"Honey, I love celebrating Christmas! I love all the food, the sweets, the Christmas tree and the presents, but our bank account hates Christmas!"

"I've been invited to two different thanksgivings...One with family, one with friends, which one do I go to?"

'I'm tired of sitting and staying.'

'The travel agent says there's nothing available on the port side. Do you want me to see if she's got anything on the sherry side?'

"Wait a minute- these are just the ten commandments of perfect mashed potatoes."