Holiday Lights Gifts

"Come on, what's Christmas without special effects?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

Halloween may be a little different this year.

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Tree in Dollar Shape.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

"Ninja bread men"

"Home depot."

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

Tourists and their Pets.

'Never mind that. I think I've just discovered a new planet!'

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Sir, will that be business or first class?'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Frosting the Snowman

'How very Cumbria.'

Non-Denominational Carols

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'Now it fits.'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"