Holiday Lights Gifts

"Come on, what's Christmas without special effects?"

Where your mind & battle are los

"Studies show that children of immigrants are more likely to to take advanced math and science courses and more likely to take advanced placement tests in preparation for college."

"Hawaii, where are you folks going?"

"I know I'm a little early, but sometimes I need a break from that dreadfully cold weather."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'We must be 50,000 calories away from home by now.'

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

Rudolph goes green (compact flourescent nose)

Santa Claus's wife beats the soot out of his beard.

"See? And you said you couldn't work from home."

"Home depot."

Cut out and keep your own Christmas Caterer.

Tree in Dollar Shape.

"Ninja bread men"

Halloween may be a little different this year.

Dear Diary. . . why, oh why, did I choose an adventure holiday?

Tourists and their Pets.

'You can forget the Captain's table-we're not paying that kind of money just to eat with the crew!'

'Never mind that. I think I've just discovered a new planet!'

'How very Cumbria.'

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

Non-Denominational Carols

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

'Now it fits.'

'Do I get to take an 'elfie' with Santa, too?'

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"