Holiday Host With The Most Pillows

Thanksgiving.

"When it comes to turkeys, Grandma, you sure know your stuffing."

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Christmas drinks 'n' nibbles system"

'Well, we always go to the same place for our holidays, so yes, we kind of migrate too...'

'Thanksgiving's no holiday for turkeys or the women who cook them.'

'We haven't had a family get-together like this since we were kids - Hey! Where are mum and dad?'

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"What time did you say you wanted me to start drinking?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

Stuffing the turkey.

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"My client greatly regrets the incident with the carving knife. However, in her defense, 14 people were coming for Thanksgiving and her husband, who had just one job to do, bought only 8 rolls."

'I couldn't find my measuring cups, so I had to kind of wing it with the stuffing.'

'Santa is the delivery man, I'm the CEO. Do you know what a CEO is, Lisa?'

"When you're finished with your Thanksgiving

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

Compulsive Christmas Caterer!

"Trick or treat?"

"I wasn't ho-ho-ho'ing at you, I was ho-ho-ho'ing with you."

Christmas Canapes

"For keyhole turkey carving we use a 12 mm port in each flank and third in the midline."

'Yes, yes, Rupert, you are still a mighty hunter. Now, please bring the turkey back to Luisa in the kitchen.'

'This year, I thought I'd try a self-basting turkey!'

'Can I get you anything? Coffee? A biscuit?...A lift home?'

"That was my kind of party...good food, good people, good-bye."

"You invited the Wilsons over? This forest is a mess!!"

'Marcy, Ted - so glad you could come! Let me direct you upstairs to the overflow room.'

Meat Poultry Fish. Genetically Modified Christmas Turkeys. Order Now. They inserted kangaroo DNA to make a product for stuffing, and octopus DNA so everybody gets a drumstick!

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

Theatrical Christmas.

"Too much salt?! Hey, I put a lot of sweat and tears into making that Christmas Pudding!"

Ineffective Turkey Disguises

Blowing out the Christmas Pudding.

'Mary, you must give me your stuffing recipe.'