Hobby Nibbler T-Shirts

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Sorry, sweetie, but I have the conference room booked for the next hour."

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

My boat

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

"I envy you. I'd love to have a house with a fireplace."

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

Foodie Bank

Man knitting to other: 'My doctor prescribed golf to get my mind off business, then tennis to get my mind off golf, then bowling to get ...'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

Man eating 'after work mints'

'Second childhood menu, please!'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'

"It's okay, It's a shhhushhh...kebab"

If you give a mouse a French cookie

How does that feel? Inaccupuncture.

Book Burp

"I miss indoor dining"

Pale Watery

'I miss our old fashioned candlelight dinners.'

"At this stage of your life, you need a hobby - one that will produce income."