Quiet Nibbler T-Shirts

"It's okay, It's a shhhushhh...kebab"

The Classy Dog: 'Dine & dance hotdogs: '50 cents a dance'.

"Do you remember when we used to put FOOD in food?"

It's beginning to smell a lot like Christmas

"Oh No!!!...Cap'n...Iceberg...Dead ahead!!"

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Sorry, sweetie, but I have the conference room booked for the next hour."

"Welcome to the Short Staffed Cafe serving food like your grandma cooked. Is your grandma busy? We really need a cook."

"Since he retired, he hasn't quite figured out what to do with himself!"

'Crumbs! I'm holding out for the whole loaf.'

'He calls himself a philanthropist, but would prefer Lord Philanthropist.'

My boat

What can I get you? Coffee? Tea? Sandwich? The mackerel mocha sounds lovely. What's in it? The usual. Chocolate. Soy milk. Mackerel. Yes, but is the mackerel farm-raised or from the sea? Ocean. Atlantic? Pacific? Indian? Arctic? Antarctic? I'm not sure. Oh. Ok ... well what's the mackerel's mercury content? Negligible, I'm sure. Ok. Was it exposed to any chlorine? Or copper sulphate? Or malathion? Was it treated with kindness? Was it read stories and sung to before bedtime? Yes. Never mind, it s

The Perils of Reading Ghost Stories Before Bed.

A vampire lays in his coffin and he has put his vampire dentures in a glass beside the coffin.

'Remember when we used to call them Wallflowers? The new term is Mingleberries.'

Foodie Bank

"To bat that stupid rolled-up sock around all morning or not to bat the stupid sock around, that is the question."

'I don't care if it has lettuce, tomato, special sauce on a sesame bun...it's still liver!'

"When I was a child I spoke as a child... but when I became a man I put away childish things... except for my Cocoa Puffs... I still love Cocoa Puffs."

'Jenkins, you could be a great salesman if only you'd stop barking at customers and nibbling the furniture.'

Ditching Masks as Lockdown Eases

'Are you sure you followed the pattern right?'

'Well, it might be hard to believe now, but in my youth, I was the fastest animal on land...'

'Second childhood menu, please!'

Man eating 'after work mints'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

'She went down 80 years ago, and there's still a line to get to the wine bar.'

"I miss indoor dining"

Ouch!

If you give a mouse a French cookie

Book Burp

Pale Watery

'I miss our old fashioned candlelight dinners.'

"Excuse me, is this fruit genetically modified?"