Hobby Hopper Gifts

Man knitting to other: 'My doctor prescribed golf to get my mind off business, then tennis to get my mind off golf, then bowling to get ...'

'On your mark. Get set. Create!'

"It's a postmodern mosaic, almost lyrical in its undercurrent." "My five-year-old will be happy to hear that."

"Sir, you're not on the list - we've checked it twice."

Nature Lovers

"You sure you guys don't spike the coffee?"

"I've got those 'Don't worry about me, I'll just be here, all alone' blues."

Rodin's Cloakroom Thief

Clubbing

Anyone would think it's Frieze week...

"Definitive." "Compelling." "Persuasive." "Upside down."

"It has great depth, realized with such a unique economy of paint application... yet, there remains a curious aura of drivel I can't dismiss."

"It's wonderful, darling. It really says Manhattan."

"I read 'Art News.'"

"I like it, Julian — it speaks to what a waste of time and money your MFA was."

"It's a great work!"

"If that were a Jasper Johns, dear, we could sell it for three million dollars."

"He's left out the staples"

Man getting hot looking at picture of desert.

Daily Grind Coffee Cup

"Those old guys really had it!"

"This artist's very successful. And he's not even dead."

Unfinished Masterpiece.

"This says you should expect to spend six months and at least $800 building the perfect lowrider bike."

Warhol Exhibit

'I have to disagree. I think the artist is laughing with us.'

"Come on, drink up! Haven't you got gnomes to go to!?!"

'It's an organic still life.'

Artist in formaldehyde

'So colour is this artist's vocabulary huh! Well his language is to colourful for me!'

'There's a strong minimalist influence in this artist's work.' 'Good! The less there is of it, the better.'

"That's not a Tracey Emin - that is Tracey Emin."

'I heard you got a job at that new club. It must be great."

"Of course the paint is still wet ... it's modern art!"

"I collect art. Or trash, depending on your point of view."