Historic Irony Lover Pillows

"It's a shame that she could never put her college degree to use."

'I'm going out to end the cycle of violence.'

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

Made in China

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

'When he said it would be 'me and him against the world' I had no idea everyone was already mad at him.'

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozak.

Angel wears t-shirt with logo: YOLO.

"Can you read the part about Job again?"

"I thought it would be appropriate to have a band playing as we went down."

"Tell me, Chuck, is barbarism the natural state of mankind, and will it ultimately triumph?"

"When they said progress made our replacement inevitable I thought they meant by AI."

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"Do you think Trump has read 'Contemporary Relativism and the Death of Meaning'?"

"Grant them amnesty and then hang them."

Right-thinking people against wrong-thinking people

'You keep turning them out and I'll dig a parking garage.'

'It always great to get away from it all.'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

Please help. Always in the wrong place at the wrong time.

'I want my lectures to have entertainment value.'

Dear Author: We really are tickled by your persistence. Sincerely, The Editors.

"OK, well, if you do hear anything, be sure to give us a call."

'You're proposing to me with, cubic zirconias?... But, you're a diamond dealer!'

Leaking Hudson River paintings.

Dear Diary, 36 weeks on this island and I'm starting to feel that I'll never get rescued."

"Of course no one wants a forest fire anywhere, anytime. It can be devastating. That's why I feel so guilty."

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'I'm afraid Mr. Caldwell doesn't want to see you now. However, you're free to visit his web site.'

'This pie chart clearly demonstrates the distain with which most people regard pie charts.'

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

"No worries. I'm well-prepped and ready for anything they might throw at me."

"Oh sure, it's easy to blame your husband, when he's not here to defend himself."

You're Out Of Order

"Anyone else would have ship wrecked us on a south seas island."