Hiring Professional Pillows

'Before I can make a decision, I want to give our district manager a chance to humiliate you.'

'What bothers me about these meetings is even though it's work, I have the nagging feeling I ought to leave and get back to work.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

Businesswoman Empowerment

"Stock options for your thoughts."

"My email is down... talk to me."

"This position has become very important to the company."

"I wonder if A.I. will inevitably become as tired and depressed as we are."

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

'What sort of mission statement is that?'

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

"It's almost 5 o'clock! Where the hell is my vodka app?!"

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

'That's our mission statement.'

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

Others will fight for you

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"