Hipster-in-chief T-Shirts

Zeke only drinks craft hootch form a micro-still nowadays.

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

Wifi in Hell

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Emergency Hipster Beard

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

Joined at the hipster.

Old rocker.

"Yuppies! There goes the hood!"

Craft Donuts vs. Craft Beer

"Face it, Clive - you're bald."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

Spontaneous Kombucha

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Normal Beard vs. Hipster Beard

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Meticulously prepared, locally sourced food served on artifacts of a romanticized industrial past, by people who take their fashion cues from daguerreotypes, to adults whose parents still pay their rent.

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

Peak Beard/High Peak Beard

The Organic

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'Dude, ya hat's on backwards.'

"We’re trying to inject a little pastoralism into our lives."

Woke Jersey Shore

"Give me something that shows I'm hip AND fiscally responsible."

A train's dining car is a diner.

"Wow, yours is already climbing your beard!"

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."