Hipster Heart Pillows

"And now a correction: Portions of last night's story on diving mules which were read with an air of ironic detachment should actually have been presented with earnest concern."

Hipster trend headquarters

"After the traditional service make sure you replace the styrofoam coffee cups with paper ones with the fancy sleeves before the contemporary service people arrive."

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"I'll have the drum an sea bass, the house salad and the techno nachos!"

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

Old rocker.

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"

New Age Store.

"Come to our microbrew party Saturday. It's B.Y.O.B. — Bring Your Own Brewery."

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Spontaneous Kombucha

"You'll find that as a restaurateur I've worked hard to showcase the finest in organic and free range ingredients that have been harvested and prepared in authentic and traditional ways."

"You look like you could use a hug."

Pub. This is John. He also loves obscure bands until they're popular then hates them. The Druidiots. Luckies. 50 ale.

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

"Communion at the contemporary service is scones and coffee."

"Thousands of craft beers and I still haven't found one with a smooth, kibble finish."

'I'm not making a mess, Mom - I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

"I'd like a fat-free, gluten-free, MSG-free, mini, super-skinny, artisan latte please..."

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

What your guitar says about you.

'Dude, ya hat's on backwards.'

A train's dining car is a diner.

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

Fred Philpot, Born 1944.

'Coffee and Converstion' vs. 'Beer & Bullshit'

GAP. GAP. NO GAP.

"Mind if we go through the Park? There's this ailing ginkgo tree I want to check on."

The Inventor of the Man Bun.

Rapunzel climbs the tower.