Hipster Health Enthusiast Gifts

"Actually the human body is 60% skinny latte and 40% anxiety."

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

Dietician to man: 'To address your spare tire we must first get in touch with your inner tube.'

"Things are still a little rough for me, and occasionally I lose hope and get depressed—but I'm getting stronger every day."

"Your contents have shifted."

'I'm ninety-two! Tell me what I'm doing wrong... I dare you!"

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

"Today we'll be performing some much needed maintenance on Miss Trimbles weak pelvic floor."

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"Your bad cholesterol is trying to persuade your good cholesterol to switch sides."

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

'You need to stay away from the pie in the sky.'

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

"What do you mean 'sitting is the new smoking'? I thought fat was the new smoking?"

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

Wasting away again in Cappuccinoville.

Kid with 'Little Wellness Facilitator' kit

"She'll have a semi-wizened, double ristretto with a dot of quail's milk - and please recite a poem while you make it."

'If you want to live a long time, try not to do anything that will kill you.'

"I only like their bad albums – the good ones are too commercial."

'Good news. Your cholesterol has stayed the same, but the research findings have changed.'

Old rocker.

'We're all out of flu vaccine - how about something for anxiety...?'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

Begin this high fiber diet slowly. Too fast and your co-workers may complain of a greenhouse effect.

Corona Funeral

Institute of Health next to Alternative medicine dept

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"