Hillary Fans Pillows

'Actually we're members of a mountain climbing club named for Sir Edmund Hillary.'

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

Tequila Mockingbird

Power in our Democracy: The Vote

"Maybe I'm aiming too high...maybe 'saving for a cool car' is too hard."

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'Look at those arms! I was born to ride a Harley Davidson!'

'Guess who's teething?'

'Henry was an undecided voter four years ago when he entered that voting booth, and I'm still waiting for him to decide and come home.'

Obama's Financial Reform Pill: I hope they won't need a glass of water.

'I can't take Barbie to Show and Tell...she doesn't have a thing to wear!'

"Relax, he could just be looking for fun."

'Henry, cut that out.'

'You've made a breakthrough in FINANCIAL research?', 'Yep! - I split the ATM!'

Barbie Oscars

Altar Ego

"Oh you kids and that cursed painting in the closet keep me young."

'Hi! I'm a freshman -- when do I get corrupted?'

US recommendation for Middle East peacemaking.

"When you said we were going to push the boat out tonight, I thought you meant we were going to a fancy restaurant!"

Under New Mismanagement

Beer Lunch

Sure, snoring is a big issue at our house too: you've seen the size of my dad's nose...

"What?!"

Sawrd Fighting

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

"Can you perform under pressure?"

'Look, that peasant is eating something -- the economy's on the move again!'

"Really, yes, I'm on a diet too: I need to almost double my summer weight before the start of the winter hibernation..."

I told you not to touch its belly.

My Youtube channel's taking off. Mine too, little buddy. You have a Youtube channel? Of course, it's got 12.8 million subscribers. I accompanies my best-selling MANuals book series. I post a video per day. There's "Pickup Artist Mondays," "Man-Grooming Tuesdays," "Relationship Escape-Artist Wednesdays" ... "Become an Alpha in Five Minutes Thursdays" ... "New Advances in Speedos Fridays," and "Using Quantum Physics and the Multiverse Theory to Explain Why that Lady She Caught You with was Actuall

"I hate when this happens."