Hilariously Holy Matchmaker Gifts

"The preacher's wife needs a new hobby."

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

Asking out a palm reader.

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

"Have you tried carbon dating?"

"When the dating agency said you were full of beans..."

"This sounds promising. . . dark brown hair, loyal, cuddly and good in bed."

"She says you sound like 'fun'!"

'Sir, you wanted an affectionate date capable of long term friendship...you said nothing about being allergic to fleas.'

"I don' want another weather forcaster - they're too unpredictable."

The Tennis Racket in the Stone

'You're a water sign and I'm an earth sign. . .Together we're mud.'

Acme Dating Service

"Men just won't leave me alone!"

"...and if anyone here suspects that the algorithm that put these two together might be flawed, speak now..."

Match maker

"AI can now scan dating sites and find your best match."

'Top is right! He's a scaffolder working on a tower block'

"Nothing works with this guy. Would you like us to shoot the pool guy?"

"Ironically, I think I'm experiencing job burn out!"

"Of all the finger-painting classes in all the day-care centers in all the world, you had to walk into mine."

"I did warn you. Mum can take her time warming to a new boyfriend."

Sidekick speed matching service.

Body language interpreters - "He likes you and wishes to dance with you." "That's a get lost."

"Here's one - 'Few-bricks-short-of-a-load seeks One-our-out-of-the-water.'."

"He'd torch the castle and I'd rescue the damsel."

"Kip paints caves."

"If he were just 8 inches taller, 20 years younger,10 times more mature and a million dollars richer, he'd be perfect."

'Mandy is playing cupid again!'

"I don't believe you can't get close to anyone, Mr Jones. Get back over your own side."

"I'm sure you will be very happy together."

'Okay, this time we'll try for someone with a really good sense of humour.'