Hilarious Mentor Gifts

'If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

"I think I can". (train)

"Sorry kid, I work alone."

Teacher's sign in Philosophy class reads: 'Think', Sign in Science class reads 'Thunk' as student falls over.

'It's from my staff...make sure it's not carnivorous.'

"The difference between us and them is...they can be reproduced by unskilled labour."

Support groups for car repairs.

'I bet he starts with a joke!'

"Maybe if we had better teachers we could learn new tricks."

"Of course, a dog's bowl is a good source of food, and yes, the dog will bark at you but it can't stop you from stealing the food..."

'Boss, he followed me home. Can I mentor him?'

'You don't mind distractions as much as me, so I didn't think you'd mind if my kids played in your office today.'

'I didn't spend $49.95 on this answering machine to have you just hang up so leave a message!'

Robinia Floribunda

Dog Training For The Ninties

'Oh look, I a flying saw sir.'

'As it's your first day Frobisher, I feel I should warn you that the pupils can be a bit of a handful!'

'Play among yourselves while I deal with my stage fright.'

'You know what's better than bubble wrap?'

Mentors make a difference.

No, it doesn't come furnished.

'He's my personal adviser...he's teaching me the air guitar.'

"I will now open the floor to questions. Bye bye!"

'You win.'

Lawyer practical joke: 'DISBAR ME' taped on back.

'Heed my words, young Jim- always use a reputable fish pedicurist.'

'I think that's right, but let me check.'

'As a general rule of thumb, if your only assets are your frequent flyer miles, you don't need to create a trust for your children.'

"Explain to me again why the global market is to blame for this grade."

'Will the student making those disruptive sounds stop? Fair warning! I am gathering evidence and I'm wearing a wire.'

'Keep your head down! Marketing and sales are feuding!'

"Let me introduce myself. I'm David."

'Get a move on, you're late!'