Hilarious Hijinks Lover Gifts

'Yes, yes, she's in estrus. Now move her forward, for gosh sakes!'

"Look! No hands!"

'Of course I stretched first. That's how I hurt myself.'

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

Apple Pie Abduction

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Gardening Calendar: January - The Snow will be deep now...get out into the garden...

'I found the home maintenance manual in the attic. I think it's got mildew.'

Heroic Rescue from a Falling Tower

The Hammer

"You are still here."

Public footpath on a desert island.

"The candy on the pillow is a nicety of the house."

Anti-inflammation recipes

Cinderella insisted on always having glass slippers - even into old age...

The worm that churned!

'Where Are They Now?'

"Good news...turns out it was just your battery!"

'You're a good man, Henderson, but you don't have your staff's respect.'

"I'll have dessert first."

"I was kicked out from another kid's bed. Do you mind if I crash under yours for awhile?"

"I've worked as a wet-nurse for ten years, but I'm after something new now..."

'Old mother hubbard -- your cupboard is now bare.'

"Fit the reality to our statistics!"

"Look! A sushi bar!"

'I'VE GOT EYE CANDY!'

"Excuse me, but I'm the only one who opens cans around here!"

"Ready...."

"I was thinking of joining a parenting class."

Banana

New anti-obesity cookbook.

Healthy Eating Casualties

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'