Hiking Newbie Gifts

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

Where the Appalachian Trail Crosses the Path of Least Resistance

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 9.

"I don't remember it ever being this windy before."

'Echo Tourism'

"Frank and Sheila finally get off the beaten path."

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

Scenic Root: ants, bugs and worms using an exposed tree root as a scenic route.

'Well if I'm so 'bloody useless' perhaps you'd better read the map!'

'When I was a Scout, we had to blaze trails without sticky notes.'

"The only problem with living at the top of a mountain is the constant stream of people coming to ask stupid questions."

'I didn't know ostriches could swim.'

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

"When are you gonna roll in something?"

"Hey guys - wrote a new song! It's called 'I suggested Paris.' And a' one, two three..."

'Bob, wait!!! Nice try, bear.'

"If nothing else, school has prepared me for a lifetime of backpacking."

'I wouldn't bother. They're probably gluten-free vegetarians.'

Information...

'I take it this is your first big game hunt?!!'

'It's my first attempt at gardening but so far I've learned...'

'My pine scented spray keeps the bugs away, but what do I do about the beavers?'

Hill Walking Boots: 'I'll take them.'

'You've never actually been on a tiger hunt...have you?'

Metaphors.

Echo Tourists.

Wishing well out of order - Try wishing upon a star.

Sign at Echo Point - Echo Point Watch Your Step and Your Mouth.

'Hey, Pete - I found a set of tracks.'

'I can't believe it... no subway, no taxis, no fast food spots, no busses within a radius of 400 meters... my gosh! I've never made such an intensive nature experience!'

"We’re not on the Upper West Side, and there aren’t any ‘better tables’!"