Higher Learning Advocate Pillows

"The test results are in for the medical marijuana, and frankly there's nothing there we didn't discover ourselves in college."

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

"No Timmy, I don't think your pencil has system requirments or upgrades you can download from the internet."

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'I need to borrow your Ph.D. for a half hour tomorrow. I have a major problem to solve.'

'We'd like to form a support group for homework anxiety.'

Common Core Family Therapy

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

"I see here that you are a recent graduate."

“Today we are going to be learning percentages.”

"An educational toy is my immediate goal, but my long range plan is to get him on Jeapordy!"

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

Chicken soup for the adjunct professors soul

Staff Yearbook

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'I got and 'E' in spelling.' - 'That is an 'F'.'

'Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Snoopy - do you have a stamp commemorating an educational leader?'

'If school is so important, why isn't it on television?'

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

Another shot heard round the world.

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

Nurse's introduction training - "We don't get the quality of student we used to"

"No, Einstein's theory of relativity isn't, 'don't marry your cousin.'"

'So feared her prince may turn back into a frog so she went to college and earned a degree in finance, just in case.'

'OKAY, okay Sandra, I'll PAY for your University course. But it BETTER NOT cost me an arm and a leg!...'

End of Affirmative Action

"Well yes, I was shorn by the apprentice, but I don't mind really: everybody has to learn somehow..."

'It may not be a great report card but it beat the street expectations.'

Gold versus Knowledge

Good writing is good thinking

"I'd say hi to my favorite teacher, but I think she's enjoying some quiet remote-from-us learning."

"So basically you're telling us that you make the youngest of your species sit in a room for twelves years and that is an education. . . you're kidding, right?"

'Man! I wish I'd finished college.'

Uranium, heavy water? Where on the web did you say you got the plans for this birdhouse?