High Street Historians Pillows

'I tried to put a positive spin on the whole situation.'

'Wentworth Street, Whitechapel'

Stuff: You Don't Really Need But Still Don't Have.

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

'Let me through - I've a bargain for a nose!'

London map drawn from memory.

"Gentlemen, on my signal, walk ten paces, turn around, and try to remember why you came out here."

Bootmaker upset over the death of a long term customer

'Here's the confirmation now, Mrs. Davis: You paid 14.4960937 per share. Kind of makes you homesick for eights and quarters, doesn't it?'

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

Rational explanations

Keeper giving Lords best position for shooting

'Aw,come on- we can't even afford 'from'.'

'Of course History was easy for you. There was a lot less of it when you were my age.'

Smoking Cessation Clinic - Formerly The Pub.

Planning Office - Acquired by Tesco

Style

'Not another charity shop.'

'But MOM...how can I have shopping cred without a credit card?'

His suit: Italian. His shoes: English. His fries: French.

"It warms my heart to see their look of hope that we might not just buy it online."

'I never thought I'd say this, but I miss George Bush Senior's lips.'

"On the other hand, we've had a lot of wonderful years in the tourist business."

'My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis.'

"It was a mom-and-pop, but we inherited it."

Bloody Vandals

Extra! Extra! Internet is putting us out of business!

'I think it's about time McFergle retired -- he remembers the Lusitania.'

"These two centres are all the same. . . we could be anywhere in the country."

Man Angry at Clock

"Midnight already? Zounds! My wife will heap contumely upon my head!"

"Darling, you remember all that mission oak on Central Park West."