Hellion Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Do you have anything by The Damned."

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

'The next piece contains sex, violence, and Homeric epithets.'

'You see son, it's jobs like these that give us a bad name...'

"I must have pressed the wrong button."

Now, Bach's Brandenburg Concerto.

Once Again Jeff Had Put Too Much Helium In The Party Balloons.

Garden genomes.

"I can't take you anywhere!"

"Ok, I have my hearing aids on now: let's hear this mighty roar of yours. . ."

A revised statuary for the city of tomorrow

"I've changed my mind about your BOGOF offer."

Just another day at Helium Farm

Draw the Lion

'Mum, she pulled my mane!'

'No fair, man. How come you get a dessert fork?'

Homer

"The president wants your helium for a national emergency."

Balloon Man

"I'm inviting you to join my referral network, on Lynxedin."

'On a more positive note, your hot flashes will seem relatively cool.'

Devil with Fire and Brimstone In-Trays.

"It's a recurring nightmare: here I am, readying myself for a mighty roar and this librarian is staring at me..."

'It has to have tall fences.'

'Don't get me wrong - hell is awful, but it could be so much more hellish. We have much to learn from them.'

Some make better deals than others.

Jimmy Hoffa in hell.

Helium Guitar Festival

"Well, I've finally gotten out of the office."

"Go on, breath in the helium from the balloon, you'll sound all squeaky like me..."

"Good news! Our septic tank is shot."

Before the invention of writing, ancient wisdom was passed down the generations orally, through the art of storytelling.

"It runs on helium."

"I thought you said the helium was only gonna make my voice higher."

'This is why I had to pad my resume.'