Hellfire Humorist Pillows

'What do you mean, you can't get it to light?'

"Technically it's allowed but it violates the spirit of the law."

'Can you believe it? The Times runs a 4-part series on the causes of global warming and this place doesn't even get a mention.'

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

"Yes mother - I AM wearing clean underwear..!"

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

A marshmallow? Oh, no, thank you, I'm good.

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Hellbillies.

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

Have food. Need toilet paper

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

Special Place in Hell...

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

Hades Weather Channel. Tomorrow will continue gloomy with lots of scattered firestorms and high pressure fronts. And, as always, an infinitesimal chance of freezing over.

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

"What do you think? Would flaming marshmallows make good torches?"

When rednecks and techies network.

Some make better deals than others.

Bull chasing campers, "You and your camping holidays for fresh air and excersize!"

'No. This is our top-of-the-line lightweight hiking tent. It's meant to be tight.

"Are you a platinum card member?"

"Your call is very important to us. Please hold the line...for eternity!"