Hellfire Humorist Pillows

'What do you mean, you can't get it to light?'

"Technically it's allowed but it violates the spirit of the law."

'Can you believe it? The Times runs a 4-part series on the causes of global warming and this place doesn't even get a mention.'

'I warned: Play a sloppy game and, come Monday, there will be hell to pay during practice.'

"That's OK. I'll get the next one."

"Yes mother - I AM wearing clean underwear..!"

"...and what really makes this story scary is the kittens got lost in the woods before flea and tick products were invented."

'Think how all that chatting is affecting global warming.'

"Hey, I'm just playing devil's avocado!"

"And that's when the therapist suggested… exposure therapy!"

'Took calcium supplements for years without paying for them.'

"You'll have to excuse my date. He spontaneously combusts from time to time."

'It's your turn to put the cat out.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'I was on my way to Heaven, when they stumbled across my blog...'

"We remain reasonably confident that once we nail down the little network problem we're having, all Hell will be able to break loose according to the modified schedule, which, unfortunately, is in a file we can't seem to locate right now."

Hellbillies.

Have food. Need toilet paper

"Running out for lawyers and CEOs. Want anything?"

"From here on out it's term and conditions."

'This will teach them to clean up after themselves after they camp in our woods!'

Boy makes a finger shadow on the tent.

The firehouse has a cat instead of a dalmation.

Special Place in Hell...

'Wrong fork. Good Lord, man, don't you have any table manners?'

"What do you think? Would flaming marshmallows make good torches?"

'Tastes like it's been stored next to a blazing furnace for twenty years - Perfect!'

When rednecks and techies network.

Some make better deals than others.

"Well... Can't say I'm surprised!"

"As you can see, this front will continue for quite some time."

"Are you a platinum card member?"

'No. This is our top-of-the-line lightweight hiking tent. It's meant to be tight.

"Hey - are those scented candles???"

'Five minutes, Jean-Paul.'