Hellbound Foodie Pillows

'Please be careful, sir, the plate is hot.'

'Your blood pressure is extremely high - your resistance to things that cause it, extremely low!'

'I burned my fingers by touching the hot breakfast eggs, but next time, I'll peel them before I put them into boiling water!'

"Pardon, I should have been more specific...is everything all right with THE MEAL?"

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

'I'm fat, I eat too much and my blood pressure is high. . . Have a beer and some chips but feel guilty about it.'

Lemon beelzebub for table 666

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

"Dear Mum, please stop sending me food parcels..."

'It started out with lactose, but ow he's intolerant of everything.'

'I just need enough to send my Dad to cookery lessons!'

"Welcome to Vanity Workshop. For the next thousand years you're to read out the size labels you've removed from your clothing."

We'll pass on the entrees...

Diet Donuts - (Bigger holes).

'I think our marriage would make a great country song.'

'Grate two hundred grammes of cheddar cheese...' - 'Uh-oh.' - 'Oh no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no...' - 'Cheese gives me nightmares.' - 'Argh!!! No!!! Make it stop!! I can't take the pain!! No!! Arghhhh!!!'

"Fred? Can you help me? I'm really in a jam."

"Well, if you're out there 'slaving over a got every every day', how come you never notice the food burning?"

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

"Besides it having no atmosphere, this restaurant seems to have a very bad attitude."

"I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'd like some hospital food."

Me On A Diet: "I should not be eating this!"

'I don't think it's so much my inability to lose weight as it is my ability to find it.'

Guy begging for money holding his hat out. Next to him an out of work chef holding his frying pan out begging for money.

'I can't conceal it any longer - the food in this place is killing you.'

A man's instant camera picture falls into his soup.

'Can I get some carmelized onions on that omelet?'

Man suffering terrrible cramps at dinner

"My heart says I should go with my head; my head says I should go with my gut."

'For small events, the sympathetic ear, for big ones, the sympathetic stomach!'

"She may be useless in the bedroom but she claims to be a wow in the kitchen!"

'There's never anything to eat!'

"Yes, I would like something to follow, the antidote"

'This is an emergency, get me meals on wheels...'