Helium Fan Prints

'I have nothing against you being helium. It's your voice, Steven. Your squeaky, high voice!'

"To make this interview more entertaining I would like you to take a breath of helium before answering the questions."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"It's our most popular gift - a helium cookie."

"Hon, do you think it's time you took a break from the light therapy lamp?"

DIY marriage counseling.

"You've got to learn to love yourself. Start by 'Friending' yourself on Facebook."

The Lemmings of Montauk

Relationship Rating: His and Hers

Once Again Jeff Had Put Too Much Helium In The Party Balloons.

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

"Have you tried sitting in a box?"

'We need to try to regress you beyond the last seven seconds...'

"I'm sorry, sir, but we're not MAGICIANS!"

"How do you feel about turning over?"

Therapy for the cow dependent

'The therapy did help your husband find his inner child, unfortunately his inner child is called Dwayne.'

"I can't take you anywhere!"

"With the redundancy and the divorce I'm struggling to remain Mr. Happy."

'I have an expense account, but it's a joke.'

'Your snoring kept me awake all through December!'

Just another day at Helium Farm

'I keep having these flashbacks.'

"I've changed my mind about your BOGOF offer."

'Dr Freud, this isn't comfortable. Why don't you sit on that chair?' 'That's not a bad idea.'

"I'd like a portrait of me in the style of him."

"I wouldn't worry about it, in your case, the superiority complex just goes with this territory."

'I don't know what it is, doc. I think I'm having a nervous breakdown.'

Short Term Memory Loss Support Group: 'Good evening. You're probably all wondering why you just walked into this room.'

"Judging by your X-rays, I'd say you've been exposed to too much radiation."

Soccer Ball - "I'm sick and tired of being kicked around all the time."

Henry was hoping nobody would notice that he had lost his helmet...'

'...And when I asked my parents if I was adopted, they said 'not yet.''

"Try taking baby steps."