Helicopter Parent Humorist Pillows

"Sometimes I think we want this more than he does."

"Yes, I'm wearing a cowbell. It's just until my mom figures out a way to track me on my phone."

Madonna of the Pukes.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"No, I don’t find it funny that her first words are ‘South Park’!"

"This is nice, but I can't help but think we forgot something."

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

Young golf ball getting "the talk".

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"He doesn't really talk yet, but he does some sound bites."

"I'm all for pushing them out of the nest, but maybe next time we could wait till they hatch."

"I have a feeling he understands more than we think."

'I'm just exercising my first amendment rights.'

"Have you seen my dad?"

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Beds are not made for jumping on."

"Good news. It's a small pig."

"She said that girls mature faster than boys, so I pulled her hair."

"It's nice but I'm starting to think we should just wait for his real hair to grow in."

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

"Greetings, Earthling. How are the schools?"

"Because, dang it, even cowgirls deserve a little 'me' time."

Fat Kid 23- Catches a bogie

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

"Where's your nose?"

"Which one's yours?"

"Just tell your parents you made the grade. Don't specify."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Remember,when he says 'gotta go download',he means 'go potty'.'

Baby's book is titled: 'Dummies for Dummies.'