Heirloom Cook T-Shirts

Old Spice

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

Come dine with me!

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

Cookbooks

Two books: 'The Joy of Cooking' next to 'The Joy of Dieting'.

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Needs salt!'

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Tia Carmen's not happy unless she can send people away with a plate of leftovers for the road."

Wendy likes horses...and she is a keen cook.

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

"Look at their faces! What did they expect? They never visited her! Of course the will says her money goes to the cat shelter. . ."

Horn of Leftovers

Before getting a basketball scholarship, Jack worked at a pancake house.

"It's been redacted to produce our sauces."

Witch's Brew.

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'

"Excuse me, but could you ask the chef to make this a little more photogenic?"

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

"My secret is having a ton of money to buy the best ingredients."

"And to my son Frank, I leave my greenhouse in the country."

"The special is… pine nut encrusted… filet of salmon… in a balsamic wine reduction."

Yes. As a matter of fact he IS an indoor cat.

"Is the garbage fresh?"

"For the first half hour, I was, like, really there. Enchanted. But I found the wild-quail confit so disappointing that not even the fig reduction on the poached pear could get me back."

"Gigot de sept heures."