Hectic Households Pillows

"Why don't you come get me? Oh that's right, you aren't allowed on the couch!"

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

"Do you recall the exact moment the balance of power shifted?"

"It's smells so good, but why do you have to wait so long?!"

"We balanced our budget this month!"

"So that's where you were last night."

'We can't move in with my parents - they've moved in with grandma!'

"I've got something to tell you,Dad-I don't like fish...I mean I REALLY don't like fish...I HATE fish,Dad-there,I've said it now."

"Here's your sweater back."

The revenge of Russell

"The sellers had a lot of kids, so they got tired of running out of hot water. So they upgraded."

"You're moving into a place where all the parents live well and all the kids test well."

'It's a new record, mom - there are six of us in here!'

"Did you ever notice, the snow is always whiter on the other side of the glacier?"

"Is that what you're wearing?"

A man opens his curtains to wake up his cats.

"Honey? Sweetheart?"

"People who live in glass houses are rare."

"One day my son all of this will be yours."

Towels: His, Her, Ex.

"I'm holding up a 'Do not disturb' sign in bed."

Mythical lake forest.

"I thought you said it was a turn-key house!"

'We named him 'Raisin Bran.' Every morning in the litter box, it's two scoops!'

"It's from my parents. An invitation to our wedding."

"Giving up on diet?"

"Don't even think about letting them in until the house is dirty again."

'Have you considered having double glacier installed?'

ACME Exterminators (cat being dragged into a mouse hole

'That must be some mouse! Hang on while I get my shotgun.'

Risks for the heart patient Unloading the Dishwasher "Sorry? No can do." Answering the Land Line R-R-RING! R-R-R-RING! N-nope R-R-RING!!! Doing Taxes "Doc said I should take it easy." Any Car-Related Errand "The old ticker."

"That's fine. I've learned to enjoy TV with no sound when we're at odds."

Cat sheds a lot when petted.