Heckle Deflector Gifts

Dominic walks onto the court, safe and secure in his new heckle proof body armor.

"It's not my fault! The Russians must have hacked my brain!"

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

'He's a cheat I tell you - it's just a trick!'

'Skip the menu Ramon,i'll just have what he's having,thanks.' / 'Very well sir.'

Finally, a big puffy hand for the losing team.

'Whoa! Time out. The loud guy in the white shirt is right - that was a ball. My mistake. Sorry everyone. Thank you, sir.'

"Have you got room for a hand-knitted pullover?"

'I just got text-heckled!'

'Andy, I want you to put on this clown outfit and hand out balloons today.'

"Shoo!"

'Foul ball!!'

"Stop reading this stupid paper."

'We don't like to use the word scapegoat.. we prefer to say you're going to be a Blame Engineer.'

'... But I didn't lie to the dating agency, when I told them I had a thick head of hair. '

Seems like overkill, Bob.

This man makes his living as a brain surgeon. Scary, isn't it?

"It's a beautiful painting. But next time you're bored while waiting to see the doctor, I suggest just reading a magazine."

'Don't look now, but the winner of last season's 'The Biggest Heckler' is here.'

'I knew the marriage wouldn't last...She brought a date to our wedding.'

"Why is this quarterback still playing?"

'Do you think it was a good idea to send all our patients fruitcakes?'

'They come as a pair Madam. The other one's his voice coach'.

"Obedience school prepared me for everything but cats."

I'm putting together a group to go to a minor league baseball game this week. So? I'd like a big group. More people means more yelling at the opposing team. And? Don't make me ask directly. Ask or I won't go. Go with us. In the form of a question, supplicant!

Graduation in 3. . .2. . .1. . .

'This isn't about the heckler. We need to look at why you're not ready with a snappy comeback.'

'Why do they use that stuff? I mean, OK, it gives them a vocal advantage. But steroids ruin the integrity of heckling.'

"I need something sturdy enough to withstand the scrutiny of other parents."

"Sunlight can age your skin...but there are other ways of protecting yourself."

'The wolves' annual convention had barely started when Betty began to heckle the speaker.'

"He's learning to stop and search himself."

I hear you own a small plane. You will fly me to Scotland. Scotland? They're trying to break away from the United Kingdom. It's history in the making. Naturally, I must be there to heckle it. Sorry, Sadie, I have a hot date. BUT A COHEN HAS BEEN HECKLING HISTORY EVER SINCE SADIE THE ELDER TOLD CAESAR THOSE KNIVES MADE HIM LOOK FAT! Sorry. A date's a date.

I'm thrilled you'll be joining me at my first baseball outing this year. You've been invited solely because I need fellow taunters. Rule #1: Yell as loudly as possible at the players. Make them utterly #$% miserable. Gonna be fun. Gonna get beatings.