Heavenly Tinkerers Pillows

"Just between you and me, the universe would move in much less mysterious ways if the spark plugs and the oil were changed on a half-way regular basis."

"...and before you embark upon life's journey, could one of you help me with my laptop?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

Mouse in a hamster wheel.

'I don't like the sound of the engine.'

'Roger's busy making a cat-flap in the kitchen.'

"Maybe you set it up wrong."

"I couldn't find the phone charger, but I was able to locate all the mouses the kids lost over the years."

The Z Chromosome: Zebratic engineering with questionable results.

"I've been genetically modified!"

'This software package can cut your workload in half. Do you want to purchase two copies?'

'I'm a do-it-yourselfer, but I've never been a done-it-yourselfer...'

"Just a harmless little genetic experiment," they said. Yeah, right...

Jars containing a Brain and a Brain Fart.

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

The Work-from-Home-Polka

'I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

'Remove the fur and claws and these genetically engineered apples taste just fine.'

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

Newton's cradle

Warning! Stay off the biotech lawn.

'I've run your letter through the word processor several times, sir, but it just keeps getting worse.'

Bathroom shelf full of clocks and pills.

'By selective breeding over the course of 10,000 generations, we've managed to create the world's ugliest fruit fly!

Innovate or die.

'They used to be called sheep, and they produced wool. Now they're some sort of bioengineered creatures, and they produce antibiotics.'

"If the jumper cables don't work, I'll pour more motor oil on the keys."

"For centuries scientists have wanted to develop a method to help ants feel like cowboys. Today that quest is at an end."

Remote control car breakdown.

"To return to normal height professor, we simply: 1. Switch on The Nano-Ray. 2. Find the Plug; 3. Insert it..."

You mixed your DNA with that of a carrot? I've created a giant loud-mouthed left-leaning vegetable. Some would say that's redundant. Very funny. It's worse that that. The carrot doesn't share just my politics … You smell beautiful, like ranch dressing on a spring day. I do like a tall vegetable.

Receiving the early-morning T-mail.

'So I left a little bit out of the genetic code when I cloned you. You're only missing a nose. What's the big deal?'

'With all the new laws being proposed, our tomatoes with founder genes may soon be an endangered species.'

'There's no fear of him making a Frankenstein's Monster out of this is there?'