Heavenly Ponderer T-Shirts

'There's a 35 minute wait. However, if you're willing to sit in hell, I can get you a table immediately.'

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

'But what is the universe for?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'This wasn't quite the fairytale ending that Colin had anticipated...'

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Science Museum. Why are you skeptical about the things scientists say? Because they claim the universe is expanding but when I visited my childhood hometown, everything was smaller.

The Origins of Everything

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

Do you ever wish you lived in a different era, Randy? It's safer to keep me where I am. Injecting my advanced virility into more primitive eras could have disastrous effects on the timeline. Well

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"Hey, Bob. Things haven't been quite the same since Richard Attenborough arrived here, have they?"

"I've been supporting life for billions of years! You'd think they'd be supporting themselves by now!"

I know time is an earthly construct, but I still feel sleepy in the afternoons.

"Shall we put it in play?"

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"I'll have dessert first."

'I say we try it.'

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

Astronaut stumbles upon a weird space anomaly.

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

"I don't see HIS name on it."

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Scientists agree the universe is expanding - Mendenhall is trying to find out where the financing is coming from.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

"This just in; the Sun has exploded. Further developments in eight minutes."

'Let me know when they figure out that it isn't flat.'