Heavenly Ponderer T-Shirts

'There's a 35 minute wait. However, if you're willing to sit in hell, I can get you a table immediately.'

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

'But what is the universe for?'

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

The Origins of Everything

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

"I knew you were mad when I found nettles in my fig leaf drawer."

"It's scary that humans are our benchmark for intelligent life in the universe."

"Shall we put it in play?"

'I say we try it.'

"Oh goody! It's just like the Columbian Exposition of 1893."

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

"I'll have dessert first."

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

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"I don't see HIS name on it."

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

Astronaut stumbles upon a weird space anomaly.

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Scientists agree the universe is expanding - Mendenhall is trying to find out where the financing is coming from.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'Let me know when they figure out that it isn't flat.'

"This just in; the Sun has exploded. Further developments in eight minutes."

'We're cutting you some slack because you just died but normally we frown on devil's food.'