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'What did He do before he was God?'

"Mrs. Marsha Mullhouse, of Kenosha, Wisconsin, asks, "Are You subject to the laws of physics, or are the laws of physics subject to You?"

'Please take your receipt!'

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"Why did God make fruit if he also made candy?"

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

"I'll have dessert first."

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'I say we try it.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'Confusionism'

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

'Just one God? - But won't he be outnumbered?'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

Jesus wept

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'He's always looking for an argument!'

The End is Near.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."

Soren Kierkegaard

Various Birds of Pray.

A self-filling prophecy.

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

"I'll have whatever they're having."

'What do they mean 'is borer a beast of the field'?'

"And God said, 'Let there be light.'" "CFL, incandescent or LED?"

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

"It says God created heaven and earth, then there was light. Why didn't He do it the other way round, when He could see what He was doing?"