Heavenly Hotline Fan Pillows

'This is God I Missed you in church last Sunday.'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"I just know he's gonna ask me why I voted for Trump."

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Heaven

"This oughtta be good...my lawyer is about to read my Will. I left everything to my cat Binky!"

'Gluten-free manna will come in the second salvo.'

'Go right on in, Helen. By the way, be sure to read tomorrow's newspaper - I understand your grandson has drawn a cartoon in your honor.'

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

"Closed until further notice."

'Hold on to this ticket. Immediately after armageddon, there'll be a drawing for door prizes!'

"But you're paper trained and we don't have any newspapers or newspaper people."

"Ugh, it rings every time an angel gets his wings - how do I put it in silent mode?"

'Stay back from the edge. Remember what happened to the last angel that fell.'

Football Angel

"'Smoking' or 'Non-Smoking'?"

Why it takes longer for lawyers to get in: 'This would go a lot faster if you'd stop saying, 'alleged'...'

"That's one thing you can't get up here, a good hot curry."

Heaven Has VIP

Angel Basketball

'You are through to 24/7 support...our helpline times are between 8am and 7pm.'

"Oh, yes, he's bad. But in a good way."

"Not too short, or people won't know I'm God."

"That's the first time I've heard 'My Way' played on a harp."

Emptying the Bin

'Ocean view, or would you prefer to watch them fight over the will?'