Heavenly Decider Gifts

anegl looks at road sign offering options of heaven or hell.

'As I see it, our choices are 'no' and 'hell no'.'

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

'St. Joseph's Church,today's sermon, the road to heaven (free maps)'

'I didn't expect to have remote controls here.'

'Kill all the Canaanites? -- Won't that set a bad precedent?'

'And my board approved this?'

'No, please, go on. It's so refreshing to talk to someone with an entirely different point of view.'

'Let's see,,, You're answering prayers until 9:30,, Your Armageddon meeting's been pushed to 2:00 and it looks like your speaking engagement in Mrs, Ingersol's head is postponed 'til Thursday,'

"From the looks of things, I shouldn't have rested on the seventh day."

'Osgood was a theologian back on Earth, and he thought all this stuff would be allegorical.'

'To be honest, I think it's a bit of a let down up here.'

'I know we're laying up treasures in Heaven, but I still think you should talk to the Church Board about your pension,'

'Well, it looks like the 'yea' has it.'

'He made it big in the athlete prayer industry.'

"First, I storyboarded it."

Priest sees 'one way' sign point upwards toward heaven.

'Nothing in the rules about it having to be a harp...'

"The tea leaves say you should go into insurance, but I say forget the tea leaves and go into whatever makes you happy."

In and Out.

Bored Angels: 'Now what?'

'Welcome to the ultimate bottom line.'

'Are you here for the zipline experience?'

"Check-in" "Elite check-in"

Angel with money - "I didn't take it with me.. I had it sent on ahead."

God/Saint Watching Football.

Institute for Decisive Thinking (in trays read eenie, meenie, mynie, mo).

'My decision is maybe and that's final.'

'What about all these fish stories?'

There is only one way and it is my way!

'There's a 35 minute wait. However, if you're willing to sit in hell, I can get you a table immediately.'