Heart Test Skipper Gifts

'I can't take the stress test next week. I have to go to the pool with my grandson and show him how to do a one-and-a-half gainer of the high diving board.'

New company policy...next time you miss a meeting I need a note from a doctor or a subpoena from a judge.

'Don't be so dramatic and get into my office!'

'Okay. Time to get up. 1... 2... 3... Go!' - 'Actually, maybe I'll just rest my eyes for a few seconds.' - 'Zzzzz...'

'The early bird can have the worm as far as I'm concerned -- I'd rather sleep in and then go to McDonald's.'

"I never saw 'Cheers,' so I won't miss 'Cheers.'"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

'You know what they say Mum: The early bird catches the worm! So I'm sleeping in...'

'Hey! I just started my James Patterson novel and I'm on chapter 97!' 'You read 20 pages already?'

'Here he comes in his jimjams - cutting it fine with out breakfast today!'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

"Sure, I'll give you a second opinion. I don't think you should stay home from school either."

'It's just one thing after another. The minute they let you out of school, the garden starts to produce.'

"Not sure what to watch? Go to menu/settings/power/off/pick up a book."

'I think you'll find that I'm next. . .'

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

The skipper never wears a hat that fits. He's always been afraid of cap-sizing!

'I've already marked you absent, Eddie. Go home.'

'I hear you played football instead of going to school.'

'The Principal suspended me-- School is the only place in the world where you can get time off for bad behavior.'

'Bed rest and no school for a week. Boy, I like this doctor!'

'I can't come to school today because I have a barking cough. Wanna hear it?'

Crime Prevention Seminar

'He always trains until the very last minute.'

"My wife told me to have a good day, so I went fishing instead of work."

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

"Basically, we have two options: #1: Do what I want or #2: Endure an excruciatingly dull presentation..."

'Sorry Professor, you're right: I DID skip a line of the instructions...'

Sailing

Rise and shine, young man! It's time for school! I don't want to rise, I don't want to shine, I'm not a young man, and school is for suckers. Call me at lunchtime.

"You know what school needs? - A fast forward button!"

'It's to remind the skipper that it's his wife's birthday.'

"It's a note from my mommy. She says I don't have to attend."

Young against old

Beach Bouncer