Healthy Living Humor Gifts

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

"Frankly, I'm pretty satisfied with my diet."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

Health

Snowman with big carrot nose to one with small carrot nose: 'I'd increase your beta carotene.'

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

'It was at this point that I insisted all employees eat their vegetables.'

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

Spanx Tells Me No

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

'I'll take #1.'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'How can it be whole if the wheat has been ground into a powder?'

'Yes, a diet can cause stress, especially if it's your husband's.'

"C'mon, walk it off!"

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.