Healthy Living Humor Gifts

'Chocolate covered raisins, chocolate covered strawberries...is not what I mean when I said that fruit is healthy for you.'

"Frankly, I'm pretty satisfied with my diet."

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'I've got this feeling, like a heavy weight on my stomach.'

Fishing rod coming out of a health farm towards a hot dog stand.

Health

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

Snowman with big carrot nose to one with small carrot nose: 'I'd increase your beta carotene.'

'It was at this point that I insisted all employees eat their vegetables.'

"How am I supposed to trust my gut when it can't even handle a little dairy?"

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

"Oh I don't mind the jogging, but I think you tricked me. When you asked if I wanted to exercise, I thought you said, extra fries!"

"What a success! We've sold all our copies. You're a great team! Let's go for beer, pizza and crisps - my treat!"

'I don't eat organic foods. At my age I can use all the preservatives I can get.'

"Wuhan virus, Ebola, West Nile, Asian Flu. . . what's wrong with good old American diseases?"

'It's a clear case of dehydration.'

'I know dieting requires a change of lifestyle, Helen, but this is ridiculous!'

'What a relief to find out that fewer calories don't add up to longevity.'

'Don't be tempted, Mrs. Root, just mail those apple fritters right here to me!'

'When I die could you preserve my liver for medical research? You've done that already.'

'I'll take #1.'

"I wanted crisps but this assessed my body mass index and gave me an apple ..."

"Actually that's not the cause of your persistent headaches."

"I'm trying to eat more vegetarians."

'How can it be whole if the wheat has been ground into a powder?'

'Yes, a diet can cause stress, especially if it's your husband's.'

'The only thing wrong with you is that you're holding up my golf game.'

"C'mon, walk it off!"

Overweight Man With Skipping Rope - To Be Taken 3 Times A Day.

'They worry about their cholesterol, but they don't give a damn about ours!'

"Does this antibiotic go better with a white wine, or red?"

You're going to give me a hay fever shot? Shouldn't I be getting an anti hay fever shot?

'The doctor said I need more calcium in my diet, so I'm switching from dark chocolate to milk chocolate.'

"I'm afraid a hearing aid will make me look old."