Healthcare Sardonicist Pillows

'... and as the Minister in charge I can assure the public there is no shortage of NHS dentists.'

'As meetings go that was one of my better ones!'

"I want to have at least two children - I have too much guilt to give for just one."

'Fish has mercury, meat has e-coli, veggies have pesticides, desserts cause obesity...so we'll have the health-concious nothing for dinner' special.'

Targets

"Most of the time, it's unclear what our company does exactly."

'Who ordered twelve gross of aluminium buckets for the bailout?'

"What? You were expecting good news? Expectations are so-o-o-o passe."

'Wine improves my judgement. The urge to choke you lessens after a couple glasses of Chardonnay.'

Two books from the crime passionel section in a library having sex

"Chad is doing product placement on the Simpson trial."

Special Place in Hell...

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'Sure that money - detecting app works. It detected you had money didn't it?'

"I'm sorry Gerald but all those orgasms were 'fake news'."

"My compliments to whoever opened the can."

'While 10-15 years of cellaring are recommended and would certainly improve the bouquet and taste, no, there'sno reason why you can't go out back, behind the dumpster and down the whole thing in 1 chug.'

"I never do as I say. That's the beauty of a hypocritical oath."

'Your resume states that you've worked with 2 presidents, won the Nobel Prize and climbed Mt. Everest. That's all fine and dandy, but how are you at telemarketing?'

"The food is so-so, but they make up for it with free refills on the drinks."

'You may experience some discomfort.'

"You don't get a raise because it's a job killer!"

"Occasionally he allows staff to voice their grievances..."

'Come on, just a few more. I need to boost my metabolism.'

"But a deep sense of grievance and indignation IS my Happy Place."

Please Wait to be Heated. (Two new arrivals enter Hell.)

'It may seem dull to you now, Harry, but at one time, everything in that book was breaking news.'

Elevator buttons: Up/Down/Don't Care.

"Forget the meaning of life, go get me a chirpractor."

'I got bored with the pale horse, so I swapped it for a white van.'

'The world will remember me when I'm gone...at least, that considerable part I owe money to.'

'Damocles, did I sit in the wrong chair?'

'Science shows cats love you!'

"It's not garden decking. The wind blew the fence down last night."

"People extra suck"