Healthcare Cynics Pillows

"Since Dr Mullin's ill, a temp from Manpower will perform your liver transplant."

"I'll let you in on a little secret -- every pill on these shelves is a placebo, and I have no formal training."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"We don't offer a health-care plan. Instead, we have Lou persuade you not to get sick."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

Single Prayer Health Insurance

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

"They say that 'laughter is the best medicine', which is great because your health plan doesn't cover the real stuff!"

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"I thought I'd give Western medicine one more chance."

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'I'm an extremely general practitioner.'

I'm going to switch you to a new medication that does more advertising.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

Have you drugged your child today?

'Good news and bad... Medical science can't cure you, but we have some marvelous support groups.'

"Just to be on the safe side, I'd like to start an aggressive course of billing you."

"It turns out our health plan does cover eyeglasses."

"Fortunately I hold the patent for the gene that's causing the ringing in your ears, and I can refer you to the doctor who holds the patent for the gene that's causing the pain in your ears."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

Surgical Self-Service

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

"Whoa! Now I remember. This was one of the possible side effects on the label."

Republican Healthcare