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'Have you tried enjoying the aches and pains?'

'With a few years of physical therapy, I think there's a good possibility that you could get a job as a paperweight!'

A nurse Reports A Patient's Condition To The Doctor.

'So you're saying, I'm done for, Doc.' 'I don't like that kind of talk... It's, 'I'm done for, DOCTOR.''

"Can we cut down his tranquilisers please?"

"Doctors, Gilby, Beam and Henson. Ears, nose and throat."

"Long wait?"

"Oops – I think that was a tan line."

"If it wasn't for my Hippocratic oath, you'd be dead by now."

"Now where was I?"

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'When I said your Urine Sample came back 'positive' I didn't mean you were sick - I meant it was really urine.'

"Four out of five doctors agree, that one on them is wrong."

"The 'intervention' got out of hand."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

"I'm afraid we'll have to operate. Your appendix has an infection and it's extremely aggressive."

"The bottle says that 'Extreme Hair Growth' is a rare side effect of this medication."

"These are my fish cymbalta, otezla, skyrizi, vraylar and stelara!"

'Time for your pills.'

"You need the toilet. . . hang on I think I've got an app for that."

The importance of paying attention in med school.

Dr. Flagg's Worst Nightmare

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"Norton! Put that back at once!"

'I apologize, Mr. Wilson, that scream wasn't very professional of me. . . But that IS one ugly growth on your chest!'

'I think it's your colon. I came to that conclusion through the process of elimination.'

'Like I said - It's non invasive surgery.'

I don't care what happened on ER. This doctor patient relationship is not going to descend into unbridled passion.

'You need some stress.'

'I'm sending you to see another doctor, he's a specialist in hyperchondria.'

"Looks like you both suffer from IBS. You...irritable bowel. Your friend...irritable burl."

Fish swimming around inside drip.

Flu Drugs.

Orthopaedist