Health Watchman Pillows

'My gosh! My blood pressure is off the chart, my blood sugar is a mess, and my cholesterol is twice what it shoudl be! How could it get any worse?' 'Then you haven't told him about his prostate...'

'If you give up alcohol, cigarettes, sex, red meat, cakes and chocolate, and don't get too excited, you can enjoy life for a few more years yet.'

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Exercising

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Covid Shield

Statue of Liberty and Hand Sanitizer

'I trust this is a non-smoking uterus!'

Aedes and Coronavirus perfect storm

Hospital.

'Not only was the superbug immune to antibiotics, but it had developed a taste for Dr Jones' whisky.'

"Didn't I warn you about buying medication from the internet?!"

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

'Ready or not, here I come!'

"According to these latest tests, anything can cause anything."

"I made a list of all my symptoms. Lost the list. Can't remember any of my symptoms now."

"And once we wipe out the disease, where does that leave us?"

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

"Do you cover hypochondria?"

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

Stafford Hospital - Twinned with Hell.

Minister rubbishes private sector hospital initiative.

"Rumours of a crisis in the NHS are groundless...Spending is up by 2%, management ratios down by 62%..."

"You know it's the American drug companies that give you the headache that is cured by the pills they sell you."

Pick one: ounce of prevention or pound of cure.

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

New Ebola deaths in Sierra Leone

'No, you haven't missed much. Pretty well everyone called in sick.'

'I'm so proud of you sweetie, you haven't smoked for a week!'

"It's probably just stress, but let's take a look. Open up and say, ARGGGH!!!"

'You're perfectly fit and healthy...but at your age...seriously, what's the point?'

Man rides on a vaccine in a sea of COVID-19 molecules.

Playing doctor: 'This time I get to play the HMO bureaucrat who decides if you live or die.'