Health Trends Follower Gifts

'I'm taking you off that banana diet, Mrs Smith!'

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

All Natural Nothing

"Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, Calcium, Kelp, Brewer's Yeast, Aspirin?"

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"Slow down. I need another drink. Can we rest for a minute?"

Too Skinny, Too Fat

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

'Bad news! More people are switching from red meat to fish!'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"I don't speak Yoga. I speak Pilates."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

'Those are to increase my mental energy. . . Those are a mild sedative to calm my nerves.'

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

"We've gone glutton-free."

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

'Now you tell me you've gone vegan?'

"I'm putting you on the 'Zombie Diet'. It's a no-brainer."

"How passe, darling, everyone I know is re-toxing these days!"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

"I'm leaning towards the health benefits of becoming a vegetarian."

"At the moment I just follow, but someday I hope to be followed."

Paleo-to-go

A gastric band is meant to go on the inside!