Health Trend Follower Gifts

'I can't figure out why I'm not losing weight. All I eat is salad.'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Very lean, fresh from a pilates class."

A gastric band is meant to go on the inside!

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

'I want to take you home and throw out everything in your kitchen.'

'Oh, Ed's in a VERY contrary mood today. I'm buying probiotics, so he's over there buying antibiotics.'

Pharmacy: We no longer have cigarettes, but we do sell medical marijuana.

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"It's me, '9' from yoga class."

"How's the banana diet coming along?"

"I'm leaning towards the health benefits of becoming a vegetarian."

Olive Oil Medicine

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

'I'd like your jester to tell you Atkins jokes ten times a day.'

'I used to have 46 inch hips...so I started drinking low-fat milk...now, I have 46 inch ankles.'

'I've discovered a new diet. I can eat as much as I like but I'm not to swallow.'

'Stop worrying - it's organic.'

"I like to be on the cutting edge...but I can't do this...a vitamin fortified beer is...well, I just keep seeing little Fintstones in there!"

'Oh that's why I put on weight - all I eat is carbs!'

'It's probably just another one of those 'fad diets'.'

' Sorry about that- my doctor put me on a cabbage, egg and beer diet and the side effects just sort of sneak up on me...'

"We've gone glutton-free."

Formerly Bad. Now Good For You.

Being a federal regulator stinks. I'm supposed to police false advertising claims and keep consumers safe. But I have no resources and I'm decried as a bumbling, interfering government bureaucrat. Try our new anti-aging tea. It includes nutrients taken from the local soil proven to reduce stress, cure all disease and heal broken hearts. I'll take two, and the list of side effects in the fine print. Doesn't work. Can cause death.

You should switch to green juice - It's made from 19 different kinds of grass!

"I'm taking out two acres of pecan trees and putting in a fifteen-thousand-square-foot colonic-irrigation facility."

"I hate to admit it. I'm taking bran and I'm feeling better."

Sale on the same stuff as last week.

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Do you do temporary ones that last about two weeks?"

Studies show foods work miracles!