Health Trend Taster Gifts

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

"Our fresh seasonal hand-crafted brews contain a full serving of spring vegetables."

All Natural Nothing

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'I'm taking you off that banana diet, Mrs Smith!'

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"CBD… oil… CBD… oil…"

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"I don't speak Yoga. I speak Pilates."

"I got a chocolate bar and gum!" "What the #!@* is 'CBD oil'?!"

'Those are to increase my mental energy. . . Those are a mild sedative to calm my nerves.'

"So does this Flamingo diet have any side effects?"

"We've gone glutton-free."

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

"I'm leaning towards the health benefits of becoming a vegetarian."

"Column A are things they said would kill you ten years ago but are now considered totally good for you. Column B are things they currently think will kill you."

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"How passe, darling, everyone I know is re-toxing these days!"

Paleo-to-go

A gastric band is meant to go on the inside!

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

"Which celebrities do this type of yoga?"

A woman stops at a building directory sign for Centers for Diseases.

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

"Your mother eats all the wrong foods."