Health Trend Observer Pillows

Light Distilled Water

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

All Natural Nothing

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'I'm taking you off that banana diet, Mrs Smith!'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

Irony: Then and Now

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"I don't speak Yoga. I speak Pilates."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"The only way to create a sensation as an essayist these days is to write something mean bout cats."

"We've gone glutton-free."

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

"How passe, darling, everyone I know is re-toxing these days!"

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

"I'm leaning towards the health benefits of becoming a vegetarian."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

A gastric band is meant to go on the inside!

"Those bullet holes are something new, aren't they?"

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

"Which celebrities do this type of yoga?"

"I'll only remove what's necessary...your gall bladder and the man bun."

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

"Thank you for your input, but I think we can rule out anorexia."

"I don't get it, everybody talks about 'working from home' as if it's something new."