Health Trend Observer Pillows

Light Distilled Water

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

All Natural Nothing

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

"Nice try, Jim, but there's no such thing as a 'Beer cleanse'."

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

'OK, the worn out carpeting proves I snack too much. Only one thing to do. Tomorrow I get prices on hardwood floors.'

"It's been 10 years Martha, why are we still eating quinoa?"

'I'm taking you off that banana diet, Mrs Smith!'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

'School of nutrition - as of today: Butter, good...'

"Here's to us, kid—and the healing powers of raw juices."

"We couldn't find a raw-vegan, gluten-free, sugar-free, non-G.M.O. cake for your birthday, so we got you nothing."

"I don't speak Yoga. I speak Pilates."

"We've gone glutton-free."

"Why did you just dump my kiwi-colada smoothie on my head?" "I'm glad you (huff) asked." "Studies (huff) show that sitting all (huff) day long behind a desk leads (huff) to obesity, sickness, (huff) toe-swelling (huff) and an early, (huff) excruciating (huff) death." "So more (huff) and more (huff) office workers are using (huff) standing desks (huff) with treadmills." "Have you ever (huff) tried handing someone (huff) a smoothie while running (huff) on a treadmill?" "They walk. ...walk."

"The only way to create a sensation as an essayist these days is to write something mean bout cats."

Formally foods that were good for you.

"So all these years you never did yoga but just walked around carrying the mat?"

"How passe, darling, everyone I know is re-toxing these days!"

"It might taste a little different. It's gluten-free slop."

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

"I'm leaning towards the health benefits of becoming a vegetarian."

"Self-distancing from that cake was too much for him!"

A gastric band is meant to go on the inside!

One of several sugar maple trees is labled sugar free.

"Which celebrities do this type of yoga?"

"Those bullet holes are something new, aren't they?"

Studies show some foods work miracles/study says studies are a crock.

"I'll only remove what's necessary...your gall bladder and the man bun."

Next! (liposuction specialist)

Jesus turns water into Vitamin Water.

Under Cover of Darkness